Single Male Parent adoptions

[Daniel Bellows]

I'm new to your network and still getting used to the site, but I have a little rant and want to see if anybody can provide information and advice.

I am a single (widower) male. My wife passed in 200 and we never had children of our own. I really want to adopt a son, but every place I look into doesn't allow for single male adoptions, only single female adoptions.

If I was a female I would have been able to adopt several times over, meeting all the qualifying requirements. But because I'm a male I keep hearing that I can't adopt. To me this is gender based discrimination.

I'm wondering if anyone has had information that they can provide of sources where single male adoptions are allowed, domestic or internationally. One thing to keep in mind is that I'm not seeking an infant adoption, but a child between ages of 4 and 10.

Any advice is also welcome.

[Alex]

Daniel-
While it may be a bit more difficult because of people's prejudices, you should be able to adopt. May we compare lists of where you have tried? Would you also be open to an older child?
-Alex

[Daniel Bellows]

Alex said:

Daniel-
While it may be a bit more difficult because of people's prejudices, you should be able to adopt. May we compare lists of where you have tried? Would you also be open to an older child?
-Alex

So far I have tried several online adoption agencies both domestic and international. I had one boy, age 8, that I was in the process of doing the paperwork when the agency representive contacted me and told me that the country had recently changed it's policies and no longer allowed single parent adoptions. Needless to say I was a bit upset about it.

As for the ages, I'm more inclined to adopt younger, but not older. If I was willing to adopt older, say 13 to 17, I could get them without major problems. What I want in is a child, somebody that I can raise from a younger age that has very little baggage to overcome and deal with.

[Daniel Bellows]

I have done some more digging and found that the Philippines allows for single parent, male or female, to adopt from their country. I'm waiting for answers to several questions dealing with the adoption process from the country, such as is there a requirement for the child and the adoptive parents to bond. Some countries I have read about require the parent to live in the country for at least 3 months to bond with the child before adopting, as well as to make sure the parent understands the history and culture of the country so they can share it with the child.

I'll give you more information as I learn about it, but from the very basics the Philippines adoption process is completed in less than 4 months on average and as far as everyone I have talked to there is no requirements for the parent to live in the country, just to go there to pick up the child and complete paperwork. They suggest planing on being in the country for one full week during which time the parent will have supervised visits with the child for at least 3 days, possibly 5. If the first 2 or 3 visits go well, the parent will be allowed to take the child on outings for better interactions. If the child enjoys his/her time with the parent, the adoption will be completed at that time and the child is released to the parent with all the required paperwork.

The ages of the children range from infant to 12 years old. The most common age for boys is 4-6, girls is 2-8.

Dan

[Ryan D Burke]

Hi Dan,

Just joined the site today...I also am a single male who is finding it very difficult to even start the adoption process without the feeling of immediate discrimination. I am a professional upstanding guy but because I am single and male I feel that I cant get a fair shake. Any advice??

Ryan

[Daniel Bellows]

Well, the first thing to do is get a home study done. Depending on the state you live in, the Department of Social Services holds the classes and does the home study. The program here is normally called Foster/Adoptive Parent Certification. Once you've done that (class is about 30 hours, 10 weeks one night a week) and have the home study done see what options there are for adopting from the Foster Care program if they allow single male parent adoptions.

Otherwise look internationally. There are only a few countries that allow for males to adopt as singles, such as Latvia.

Another option is to look for ads in the local paper or phone book for adoption servers or private adoption services. Depending on the age of the child you'd like to adopt, you should be able to find an infant to adopt. The problem I'm running into is finding an older child to adopt. I'm not sure I could handle the midnight feedings and all that, but a child that is 4 years or older would be great.

Good luck to you. The best advice I can give is to be patient and pray about it.